Resources
COVID-19 update
5/21/21 update: In-person sessions will be available again starting June 1st! I am kindly asking that, for the time being, only clients who have had both vaccines use the in-person option. Telehealth appointments, via Zoom, will continue to be available indefinitely...
My Bill of Rights
My Bill of Rights (A paraphrase of the Five Freedoms by Virginia Satir) I declare the right to see what I see, hear what I hear, and remember what I remember. I declare the right to say what I see, say what I heard, and say what I remember. Nobody has the right to...
The Importance of Integrity
How do you know when to trust someone? How do you know when to say “yes” and when to say “no?” How do you decide between two things you really want? Why do you sometimes experience resentment or regret? When is it best to selflessly give to others and when is it best...
Recovering From an Affair
If your relationship is being affected by an affair, chances are you are on an emotional roller-coaster and your sense of trust has been shattered. It can feel like you are no longer grounded – the person you counted on most for support, trust, stability, reassurance,...
Using Anger as a Teacher
“He who angers you, conquers you” - Elizabeth Kenny It is neither realistic nor human to expect that we won’t experience anger. Anger is an old and deeply rooted response to a perceived threat. What we do with our anger, however, distinguishes the blathering,...
Quotes
"Every Warrior of the Light has felt afraid of going into battle. Every Warrior of the Light has, at some time in the past, lied or betrayed someone. Every Warrior of the Light has trodden a path that was not his. Every Warrior of the Light has suffered for the most...
Setting Limits
Limits only make sense in the light of consistent healthy agreements. In the discussion of healthy agreements, I explained the importance of treating one another with dignity and respect, regardless of the subject. These agreements ensure that no matter how difficult...
What to do if you can’t sleep
A serious and widespread problem According to the CDC, “About 70 million Americans suffer from chronic sleep problems. Sleep deprivation is associated with injuries, chronic diseases, mental illnesses, poor quality of life and well-being, increased health care costs,...
The Gift of Encouragement
Showing interest and support for your partner’s hopes, dreams, fantasies, guilty pleasures, and hobbies is one key to a deeper sense of love and connection. Our mind is a private world. Thoughts and feelings that pleasure or plague us, inspire or intimidate us, both...
The importance of listening
Someone I once knew told me that we should listen twice as much as we speak because God gave us two ears and only one mouth. At first blush, it would seem that listening would be a relatively easy – even passive act. If only it were so easy. Of all the skills I...
Agreements for a Healthy and Sustainable Relationship
Healthy, vibrant, nurturing, intimate relationships are supported and sustained when each partner can say: I can be my honest authentic self with you. You listen to me. You understand me. You accept me for who I really am. I can think or feel or want, differently than...
The 5 essential elements of a healthy relationship
Two of the most frequently asked questions I get as a relationship therapist are, “What makes a relationship sustainable?” and “How do I know my relationship will last?” In my experience, all the skills necessary to developing an amazingly healthy relationship fall...
Eight Intimate Conversations To Have With Your Partner
Want more intimacy with your partner? Plan a special date, but instead of heading for the bedroom, snuggle on the couch, perhaps by candlelight, and fall into one of these great conversations. Simply learning more about and accepting each other is the experience you...
5 rules on how to be normal
Many of my clients have asked, at one time or another, “What is normal?” In an effort to save time and energy, I am printing out these rules on how to be normal so that all of us can be on the same page. These rules, attributed to Father Tom Westin, were originally...
Communicating effectively when emotions run high
Casual conversation, playful banter, passionate exploration, are all fine and fitting communication styles as long as both participants are relatively calm. This changes the moment someone begins to get upset. In a previous post, Old Brain New Brain, I explain why it...
Emotional Flooding: Old Brain Vs. New Brain
Virtually all the damage that takes place in relationships happens in unhealthy conflict – fighting and arguing. If an argument gets hot enough we are likely to say things and do things that are destructive – damage that absolutely unnecessary and is sometimes...
What is a healthy relationship?
The focus of my work with couples is to help them build the healthiest relationship possible. Toward this end, I hold a high standard. For me, simply staying together till death do you part is by no means a singular sign of relationship success. My standard for a...